Tall, politics, push und pull, mind-blowing and party centraal

Ahhh... We meet again my friends. Glad that you could make it. Ready for an update? Good, then here we goooooooo........

I knew the Dutch were a tall bunch. But WOW, they are giants. I feel like one of the 7 Dwarfs, probably Sleepy after this continuous assualt of all night parties. Anyhow, after much research and consultation i've found out why they are indeed very tall. Here is my best explanation:

"It comes from the fact that most of the country is under sea level and so when everything does indeed go 'tits-up' and water starts pouring in from left, right and centre, then only the tallest ones will survive as they are the only ones who will be able to stick their necks up above the water level. Due to evolution theory and other complex issues, all the short people have unfortunately been refused a Dutch passport and/or become German."

So, there you have it. Now I know I'm not the tallest in England but when you sit in a class full of young, Dutch women and you are the shortest there, then that starts to eat away at you...

One VERY, VERY important lesson to learn no matter which country you go to is to learn the words for push and pull, in, for example, the instructions of how to operate a door. There are terrible, terrible consequences for you if you don't learn these... For example, the word push in Dutch is 'duwen'. There is nothing about this word that tells you it means push and the helpful arrow next to it on the door could mean anything. So you are left well and truly alone here to make your decision.

Imagine: you're the first to go through the door with a row of people behind you, probably Dutch. You have to make a split-second decision. Do I push or do I pull? The choice is difficult because the doors here try to trick you. You never know if it's a pusher or a puller. The word for pull is 'trekken' which again leaves you clueless. So do you trek or do you duuw? Now what often happens to me is that I trek a duwer or I duuw a trekker. And that's not good. You look stupid and then you make a huffy puffy sound as if to say that it was the door's fault. Which in fairness it was as a) it wasn't open in the first place and b) it didn't make it blindlingly obvious of I should trek or duuw! Doors! Who needs 'em?

Changing topic completely, I would like to bring your attention to the wonders, or rather the simply completely mind-blowing complexity, of being in a German class with predominantly Dutch native speakers (with a few Germans who blatantly want to be just about anywhere else but in the class!)

Now the teacher speaks German, she is after all GERMAN. But the students... My lord! I don't know whether to speak German, Dutch, Chinese or Swahili. And trying to constantly change your mind set so that you can speak Dutch and German is just so freakin damned hard that I'm glad when the 90mins are over!! Honestly, it's like trying to tell the difference between semi-skimmed milk and full-fat milk just by looking at it. Impossible. And don't even get me started on my ability to speak German.... It gets more and more interesting by the day...!

To round off, we'll talk politics. Now the political situation in the Netherlands is, well, interesting... Apparently nobody is running the country at the moment, the Queen's speech the other week was less than impressive and not actually written by her and to top that, some cheeky little bugger threw a little candle holder thing at her royal carriage whilst she was in it. Many things wrong with that. Firstly, why a candle holder when there are many, many more things which would do a lot more damage...! Secondly, why is everyone suddenly ganging up on the Queenie? Leave her alone! But I think there is a coalition now. I think. Or there will be one. Anyone actually know? The Dutch love to talk politics. Brilliant..!

So, I leave you now. I be back soon. Maybe baby.

Ciao

James

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There are times when you just want a good old Sheffieldian Hill...

Yes, you did indeed read that right. I’m missing what I’ve spent a good 2 years complaining about: The Seven Hills of Sheffield, although in reality we all know that there are in fact more than 7...

Holland: the land of flatness. If there weren’t some silly scientific rules that say it’s impossible to roll a ball from Nijmegen to Amsterdam, then I’m pretty sure I could roll a ball from Nijmegen to Amsterdam. It’s that flat. The biggest hill here is the wheelchair access ramp to the lecture halls. I’m not kidding. I long for a proper hill, one where once you’ve reached the top you pant, ‘Jesus, who thought building a town in the hilliest place known to man was a good idea?’

For all those people in Sheffield: I envy you! Lucky you with all those hills... However... There is one advantage of being in Nijmegen: Cycling is easy. Although when you have a passenger, well, that’s another story (isn’t it Aimeé...). Scarred for life.

Though I do miss a good old walk to and from University. Cycling is fine but I’ve not quite mastered the carrying an umbrella (almost took out about 6 innocent pedestrians last week...) whilst on my phone, carrying a small box trick which just about everyone else seems to be able to do.

Wow, that’s a lot about hills... What else have Ibeen doing?! Well, I’m now famous in the Dutch/German/English office as I spent the best part of the first week there! Almost a fellow secretary there I tell thee!

To get anything done here, you have to go through about 3 people and probably even then, you’re still not sure if what you wanted to happen has happened. My first week has involved emotions ranging from 'sheer confusion' to 'utter bewilderment'. I never seem to be registered for courses which I should be, which kind of makes the whole painful and lengthy ‘Learning Agreement’ process pointless, Maybe I’m just not being as organised as I usually am but some days I think, ‘What the hell am I doing now?!’ It’s not as easy/simple as it is at Sheffield :) For starters I never really fully understand what’s occurring in lessons. I’ve infiltrated a course which is only meant for actual Dutch students and sometimes the teacher will say something about a lesson from the previous year and the whole class will start reminiscing about a certain event, meanwhile, I’ll be sitting there and laughing blissfully along, taking some sort of sympathy from the fact that I know they’re talking about something I haven’t the foggiest about.

Printing the numerous bits and bobs out for classes etc is a mission in itself, especially when they tell you to print stuff out but you’re not actually part of the online group allowing you access to the file, so you actually can’t do it. Then you have to get a special card to let you actually print something off. Why not use the Student Card they gave me as some sort of payment card just like we have at Sheffield?! Much easier. Honestly, it’s like living in the stone age.

This is all very negative! I’m sorry. I’m actually still having a good time. I suppose I’ve just been reading The Sun too much and therefore exaggerate everything, focus on stupid things and never report the good stuff in the world.

So I shall end on a HIGH. No, no, not from that funny stuff which people kind of, maybe, aren’t, but are allowed to smoke in certain places, but actually with a picture of a touch-screen machine in the supermarket which I found quite funny. Maybe I’m just a kid but I had a giggle!

Cigarettes or shag? What a choice....

Now unfortunately I don’t smoke sooo...

(For the more curious amongst you, ‘shag’ is only the stuff which you put in cigarettes, so the Red Light District didn't just suddenly appear...)

We also have a 'beautiful' bike shed,

according to our 'Caretaker', and this is where I took my next photo (or for the Dutch readers of this blog: this is where I 'made' this photo)

And who has the heart to tell this furry little fella to move? I know I couldn’t do it. Could you?

!! IN OTHER NEWS !!

So I also have a Dutch Blog now too.

It is HERE: http://all-double-dutch.blogspot.com/

I've aptly named it: It's All Double Dutch To Me. Even kijken

If you're one of the unlucky ones who can't speak Dutch, then there are some pretty pictures ;) If are a foreigner and able to digest the language of the Oranje then klik op de link :) And if you are Dutch then feel free to have a grammatical rant.

Veel plezier en succes met alles :D

van je lieve James

Groetjes :D

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